shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
