i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
