I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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