if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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