The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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