god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
