I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
