I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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