she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize