her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize