I love black thongs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
