just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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