Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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