I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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