Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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