Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
