Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
