Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
