So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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