she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
