I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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