We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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