how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
