remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
