my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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