You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
