I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
