margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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