i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
