yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
