Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
