Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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