It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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