Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wear drunk well.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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