If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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