nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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