Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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