btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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