I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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