1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
