There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
