my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize