Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
