I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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