he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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