Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
