where am i from again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
