this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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