We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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