My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
