I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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