I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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