Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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