I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my being single is dangerous.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
