You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
