Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
