I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
