It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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