I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize