I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
