I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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