after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize