btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
