i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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