After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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