So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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