just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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