How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
