She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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