Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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