Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
false alarm, still single
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
