just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
