woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
