Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
