I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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