OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
