Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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