Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
