garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
