We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
