Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
