Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
