Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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