Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
