Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
