Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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