It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
