I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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