Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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