Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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