Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
