Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
