Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
