i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
