He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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