It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
