DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
