my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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