so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
