I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
