There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
