He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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