Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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