I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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